"If you're a virgin, I'm a muslim!"

This is a two-fer.


So I had some nasty roots going on. It was leaving me a little sad, and horrible impulse control was leaving me poor. So instead of resisting the strange urge to buy expensive new varieties of iced-tea, I took it like a man and booked it to Sally's.

Horror. I only ever heard horror stories from those dying their own hair. So I decided to dye part of my hair pink to help distract from the disgusting pool of realness on top of my head. It went well. I was shocked at just how well it went. Sooo well.

I'm a cutie; I know. Manic Panic Hot Hot Pink left in foil for about an hour. Occurred perfectly.

Then I decided I was done with that and highlighted my hair. BY MYSELF. My mother was very against this, but as we in the erotic sales business say...fuck it! I was blonde, bodacious, and ready to take on the world.

Then I must have been high because I dyed all of my hair bright pink. I don't know. It looked beautiful by the second day, and I was thoroughly convinced I would be some suicide girl vixen. Then I applied for a job. Back to blonde. This is a sick, chemical merry-go-round I ride.

It was a love story until I needed to apply for a job. That I didn't get it. Suck it, Starbucks, I'm hotter than your naked mermaid anyways. But, in a desperate and sad attempt to try and gain the respect of Starbucks, I dyed my hair back to blonde. I used two Wella Color Charm 12C high-lift cream colors and mixed it with a 40 developer. Though I do not aim for cool tones in my hair, I had to counteract the pink somehow. That goddamn pink would be gone. And so it was gone, leaving me with an oddly pink toned but entirely blonde head of hair. Note that I am NOT topless in that picture, it just looked that way. Really, I'm way perkier than that. But then I returned to the land of the manic and panic once more, and used some virgin snow toner on that shit.

The final result was beautiful and left me in tears. I was the summery Malibu blonde I always dreamed of, and I could finally rest knowing I achieved it when hairdressers would never do it for me.